There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Found the puke drawer
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
