it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
