Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
