man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
