Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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