where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
