felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
