The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
PANTIES FOUND
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