i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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