If i come over, it means nothing
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
