it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
home. puking in laundry basket.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
