I just threw up on my dentist
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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