Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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