Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
