yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
