singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
