Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
