I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
