hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
