i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
