im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
