I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
