there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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