Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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