Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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