Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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