So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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