he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
