It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
