Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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