This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How does it feel to date your dad?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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