Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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