I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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