dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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