Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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