OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
