He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
