Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is Oprah even human
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
