they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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