I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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