You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
