You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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