My first STD was from a foam party
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
