WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
