She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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