fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hope mine doesn't look like that
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
