Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
