I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
