you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
