is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
