I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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